Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Control Issues

I like to be in control. This has always been a part of my personality and it has only been magnified by having children. In fact, Lydia also seems to share my desire to be in control (as you can tell from the picture)!

But with each child, I have increasingly realized the need to "let go." I should not worry so much about what they will eat, when they will sleep, if their hands are washed, etc. Not only are my children very flexible, but God is ultimately in control of their lives. My protective motherly instincts are nothing compared to His steadfast Fatherly care. This has been on my mind since I had to leave Lydia and Hudson for two nights when I had Samuel. I was worried that they would be scared or miss me. Ha! Just the opposite - when Lydia came to the hospital to visit she was very excited to see baby Samuel at first. But after a few minutes she turned to the mother who was keeping her and said, "Can we go now?"  I tried not to take too much offense at that...

But as I prepare for my surgery and chemotherapy I am not only going to have to give up my "control" of Lydia and Hudson (which gets easier every day as they grow older), but I will have to give up my "control" of my newborn baby boy Samuel. I feel like he needs me and I have a hard time thinking about being away from him for even one night. I have no choice but to trust and rely on God’s grace for both me and him. As Proverbs 19:21 says, “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

11 comments:

  1. But Lydia was more than ready to see you when you picked her up! So glad God has us and our children in His hands!!

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  2. Erin, I had no idea! I will pray pray pray that all goes well. I totally understand the difficulty of leaving your newborn. He will be in good hands I'm sure. How long will you have to be away from him?

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  3. well said. i can't wait to give samuel and the other kiddos a squeeze!

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  4. I've recently seen an issue of control in myself. This post really is inspiring. If you as a mom can give up a control issues then there is really no excuse for me not to. Thank you for being willing to share this process. I'll be praying for you and the rest of the Frays.

    -Josh

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  5. The people of Twin Oaks Church are praying for your peace and healthy recovery.

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  6. Erin, I can't even imagine the thoughts going through your mind right now. I am praying for peace of mind for you throughout your treatments.

    -Nancy

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  7. RuthAnn and I are meeting today to pray for you. I've got your list of 10 things to pray for handy and also praying for the BRCA test.

    "Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed; he will answer him from his holy heaven with the saving might of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God." Psalm 20:6-7

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  8. Erin I can't even imagine leaving my newborn. I still haven't left Dean overnight! I'm sure he will be in good and willing hands. God will see to that. I know it's still hard though

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  9. I've often wondered how Hannah was able to give her "Samuel" over to Eli as a young child to be raised away from his loving mother. The only answer I can come up with is that the Lord enabled her to do it. She gave him to the Lord before he was ever conceived, just as I know you and Matt have entrusted each of your children to the Lord. And HIS grace was sufficient for her just as it will be for you when that time comes to entrust your little Samuel into another's care for a night or a short time. As moms we worry so much about what they may fear or be able to understand, naturally when they are too little to tell us. But the Lord will comfort your children through all of this. Enjoy snuggling that sweet baby now and rest in Jesus' comfort and care for him in the future. Praying for you!!!!
    ~Catherine

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  10. thank you for being so transparent and real! I definitely struggle in the control area too. Thank you for being so encouraging to others during your trial. Like I said before you are strong, beautiful woman who will beat this battle with Gods strength!! Praying... much love

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  11. Hi Erin,

    Thank you for your encouragement! When I heard heard, I re-read portions of your dad's book to put my back in perspective.

    We've been singing your version of "All the Way My Savior Leads Me" in church for the past month. This past Sunday was especially emotional for us.

    Please know that we miss you and are praying for you!

    Ko and Kim

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