I like to be in control. This has always been a part of my personality and it has only been magnified by having children. In fact, Lydia also seems to share my desire to be in control (as you can tell from the picture)!But with each child, I have increasingly realized the need to "let go." I should not worry so much about what they will eat, when they will sleep, if their hands are washed, etc. Not only are my children very flexible, but God is ultimately in control of their lives. My protective motherly instincts are nothing compared to His steadfast Fatherly care. This has been on my mind since I had to leave Lydia and Hudson for two nights when I had Samuel. I was worried that they would be scared or miss me. Ha! Just the opposite - when Lydia came to the hospital to visit she was very excited to see baby Samuel at first. But after a few minutes she turned to the mother who was keeping her and said, "Can we go now?" I tried not to take too much offense at that...
But as I prepare for my surgery and chemotherapy I am not only going to have to give up my "control" of Lydia and Hudson (which gets easier every day as they grow older), but I will have to give up my "control" of my newborn baby boy Samuel. I feel like he needs me and I have a hard time thinking about being away from him for even one night. I have no choice but to trust and rely on God’s grace for both me and him. As Proverbs 19:21 says, “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”
