Medical Update

As I mentioned in my previous post, I came down with a sinus infection and an upper respiratory infection while I was in St. Louis last weekend. Since my immunities aren't what they should be these days (due to chemo), I haven't made too much progress yet in terms of getting better. Thankfully, my chemo treatments themselves have not been too bad - they definitely slow me down for a day or two, but it's usually manageable.

Despite not feeling up to par (Matt tells me the saying should technically be "down to par" in terms of golf scoring), today was such a gorgeous Saturday that I was determined to spend the afternoon at the beach with Matt and the kids. We had a great time. I especially enjoyed introducing Samuel to the ocean; it was his first time to the beach and he loved it! It was nice to have a relaxing day together as a family before another busy week. 

 

On Tuesday, I will be going to Charleston for a brief outpatient surgery to get my two expansion ports removed. Ports are basically small plastic discs (about the size of a nickel) that are placed just under the skin; they allow for medicine to be injected into the blood stream without having to put an IV into a vein. These ports were actually used to inject saline into the tissue expanders in my chest. They are so uncomfortable because they are constantly being pushed against my ribs. So I am really looking forward to having them removed. On Thursday, I will have my eighth of twelve chemo treatments. I would greatly appreciate prayer for both of those things.

Even though I am eager to be done with chemo, I am so thankful that my current chemo drugs have not been as hard to deal with as the ones I had to take last Winter. With these drugs, I usually have moderate fatigue and nausea a day or two, but then feel well enough to do all my normal daily tasks. Also, though it presents certain physical and logistical challenges, I have been realizing what a blessing it is to have kids during this illness. To a certain degree, my children keep my mind from fixating on my health issues because I am forced to care for and focus on them. If it weren't for them, I would probably be sitting home all day wondering why I am sick, if the cancer will spread or return, etc. Of course, it is ultimately God and His promises that have sustained me through this process and will continue to give me hope for the future. I am praying that God will continue to mold my heart and mind to His likeness and give me a heart to serve Him.

Thank you for your prayers!

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Matthew 6:25-34

Lydia and Hudson obeying Jesus' words in Matthew 6:25, "Look at the birds of the air..." :)

Easter Weekend in St. Louis

I had the joy of going to St. Louis this past weekend to celebrate Easter with my mom and her husband Ned, my sister Katie and her husband Chris, my nieces Ella and Lilly, my nephew J-Rod, and my grandparents. I wasn’t able to go home this past Christmas because of the difficulty of my previous chemotherapy treatments, so it had been almost a year and a half since I had been home. It was such a joy to be back in St. Louis, to be with my family, and to celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

I brought Samuel with me on my trip and we had a pretty eventful time travelling to and from St. Louis. We left early Friday morning and our first flight – from Savannah to Atlanta – went very smoothly. Once we were in Atlanta we had to take the train to a different terminal to connect to our second flight. Just as I arrived at the gate, they made an announcement that our flight was going to leave from a different gate in a different terminal. I told myself, “This is fine – I will just get a little more exercise.” So I returned to the train and made the long walk to the new gate. Just as I got there I saw people on my flight walking the other way. I found out they had switched gates a second time, which meant walking once more to the other side of the terminal. By that point I wasn’t thinking of this as excercise…I was exhausted. Thankfully, the rest of the flight to St. Louis went well.

I was excited to attend the Good Friday service at Trinity Church where my brother-in-law is the pastor. It was a wonderful, worshipful service. As we all walked outside in silence (in remembrance of Christ’s death) there was an eeriness in the air. The sky above looked very ominous. We got in the car to drive home and as we were driving the weather got worse and worse. We turned on the radio and heard there were tornado warnings all around us. I kept looking out my car window thinking that in a flash of lightning I would see a big twister heading my way. We spent the next thirty minutes driving and praying a tornado would not pick up our car and that we would make it home. Just as we got home the tornado siren sounded by our house. We went into the basement and waited it out. Thankfully, the big tornados hit further north of us. There was a lot of devastation in St. Louis Friday night and I am praying for all those families who lost their houses. The airport (where I arrived earlier that day) was hit directly, causing damage to planes, taking off part of the terminal roof, and shattering a lot of windows.

My grandparents were supposed to fly in the next day but the whole airport was closed. They were able to fly into an airport a few hours away later that evening. It took a total of 18 hours to make it from their house to my mom’s house, but they finally arrived safely.

On Saturday morning I woke up feeling ill with a very bad chest cough and sinus infection. I didn’t think I would get sick because my blood levels looked so good at my appointment last week, but I guess germs have a way of getting in no matter what! I guess it did not help that Samuel was also sick and had been up a lot during the night. But my sister Katie was so gracious and offered to keep Samuel for the afternoon so I could rest. What a blessing! I spent the whole rainy afternoon sitting by the fire reading and sleeping. 

On Saturday night I had a lot of fun playing with Ella (9), J-rod (7) and Lily (3). They have grown up so much! I made bracelets and played checkers with Ella, played castles and swords with J-Rod, and was just entertained by Lily. 

We had a wonderful Easter Sunday. Once again we went to Trinity Church and enjoyed a wonderful and worshipful service. Then we spent the afternoon and evening together as a family. 

My flight was scheduled to leave Monday afternoon. I was kind of hoping that the airport would still be closed so that I wouldn’t have to do chemo on Tuesday, but it had reopened on Sunday. We were planning on shopping before I left. Since the suitcase I brought was full to the brim, I figured I might need to borrow an extra suitcase if I was going to get things while shopping. My mom found an extra suitcase in the basement and gave it to me to use. To my disgust and surprise I opened it up to find a dead mouse inside! Now, this might be more surprising to me if it hadn’t been for the dead bird that my sister found in her closet a few years ago!

My flight to Atlanta went well. I had to hold Samuel the whole time (which hurt my chest  and arms because of my surgery), but he was fairly good. He was very entertaining to those around me. When I got to Atlanta I found out that my flight was going to be delayed by an hour. This was not too surprising since flights can get rather backed up later in the day. But for those of you who know me…you know I HATE flying, so the next few hours were a real test for me! When we finally got on the plane at about 8pm they realized that one of the doors was broken. At this point, Samuel was screaming because he was so tired. They told us we would have to go back to the terminal, but stay on the plane while the maintenance crew fixed it. About an hour later (about 9pm) they said that it was good enough to fly. I was hoping the door wouldn’t fall off in the air! Of course, Samuel was still crying at this point. He likes to be moving all the time so he was not happy and was not giving in to sleep. Just as they cleared us for take off, the airport grounded all of the flights because of a huge lightning storm. Finally, after forty-five minutes or so they cleared us for take off. We waited in a long line of planes for another thirty minutes or so and finally took off at about 10:20pm. By this time, Samuel was asleep and staying asleep for our short flight to Savannah. 

I missed Matt, Lydia, and Hudson so much this weekend. I was so grateful to Matt for watching Lydia and Hudson and allowing me this opportunity to go and spend the weekend with my family. Even though the travel was hard and I was not feeling very well, it was a nice break from all of my treatments and appointments. Of course, I came home to two doctors appointments today – one of which was for chemotherapy (my seventh of twelve treatments).

Thank you to everyone who is continuing to pray for me and for my health. God is so good. He seems to take us on so many ups and downs, but he will NEVER leave us or forsake us. Thank you, Jesus, for all your many blessings!

 Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you.

I will not leave you or forsake you.

 Joshua 1:5

They Will Know Us By Our Love

This past weekend several families from Park Cities Presbyterian Church (PCA) in Dallas held a garage sale in order to raise funds for Erin's medical costs. As you can see in the video below, this was a huge sale and the folks who coordinated it were so thoughtful and creative in planning all the details! The sale was a big success in every way and the funds raised will go a long way towards helping with Erin's medical costs.

We are so grateful to all those who helped with the sale - those who donated items, those who sorted and priced the items, those who worked during the sale, and to the Webster family who hosted the sale! Thank you for taking the initiative to serve our family in this way. The selflessness of your love for Erin is truly a reflection of your calling as saints in Jesus Christ!

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another:
just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
By this all people will know that you are my disciples,
if you have love for one another.”
John 13:34-35

Race for the Cure 5K

Last night and today Matt and I participated in the events for the Third Annual Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5K in Savannah. It was great to be a part of such a large event which not only connected me to other women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer, but that also raises awareness about breast cancer and money for breast cancer research. I was amazed that there are over 850 women in Chatham County (where we live) that are diagnosed each year and that over 5,000 people participated in the race!


At these events I was in a group referred to as a breast cancer "survivor" (supposedly you are a technically a "survivor" from the day you are diagnosed). But in many ways, I don’t totally feel like a survivor of breast cancer because I am only halfway through my initial treatment. Nevertheless, it was neat to talk with other women who have gone through or are going through the same thing I am going through right now.

Last night we attended a reception for survivors where the guest speaker was Savannah’s own Paula Deen. When I met her and mentioned my name, I was very surprised that she remembered my name because her son Jamie participated in a fundraising event for me last December.

 

 

This morning Matt and Samuel and I participated in the 5K race. Samuel and I walked and Matt ran (and then came back and walked to the finish line with me)…I am so proud of him! He even made a special shirt for the race which says, "I hate running...but I love my wife!"

 

Alright, I know it sounds very strange...but one of the most exciting parts of the morning was getting a free 12-pack of Quilted Northern toilet paper!!!

It is interesting how much camaraderie there is amongst the breast cancer survivors. I greatly appreciated getting to know the other survivors and learning from them and relating to them. What a blessing! For some, those supportive and encouraging relationships with other survivors is the primary thing "getting them through" their battle with breast cancer. I certainly value those relationships, but they are not ultimate; my ultimate comfort and support comes from Jesus Christ and his daily love and faithfulness to me.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Psalm 46:1

Medical Update and God's Goodness

Yesterday was a long, but encouraging day. I had my sixth chemotherapy treatment on Tuesday (which means I'm halfway done with this round of chemo), so I was dealing with some of the fatigue and nausea that follow my treatment. Also, I had a bone scan done to see if my cancer has spread. I have been having pain in the center of my chest ever since my surgery. I just assumed it was from my surgery, but when I told my doctors about it they wanted me to get a bone scan done. My oncologist told me any time a cancer patient has pain in a bone it needs to get checked out because it could be an indication that the cancer has spread to the bone. So yesterday I had the bone scan done. In morning I went to the hospital to have a radioactive dye injected into my body to help the doctors read the scan. The dye had to be in my body for three hours before they could do the scan, so we returned to the hospital later in the afternoon to have the scan.

When my doctor suggested I have this bone scan done I began thinking a lot about what it would mean if the cancer had spread. I had not thought a lot about the possibility of the cancer spreading until this point, but the thought of it spreading was a little scary. But God gave me an incredible peace and trust, knowing that whatever the test results were, He is good, He loves me, and He is using every situation in our lives to bring Him glory. Thankfully, the technician told me that the scan looked normal. A radiologist still needs to look at it, but it is nice to know that it looks like the cancer has not spread into my bones. Praise God!   

While Matt and I were very grateful for my good medical report, we spent a while last night reflecting on some acquaintances' discouraging medical reports we read yesterday. Ruthie, the mother of one of Matt's classmates from college and seminary recently began battling cancer for the third time. And a couple from Matt's parents' church in Dallas have a one year-old granddaughter named Lucy who has been battling a serious illness and is not expected to live much longer. There is so much sickness all around us! We simply can't escape its reality or its pain. But as Lucy's father (also a pastor) reminded us, Jesus' death and resurrection have everything to do with how we as Christians respond to these hard issues of sickness, pain, and death. He is an excerpt from his most recent blog entry.

It is human nature to be repulsed by sickness, weakness, and death. Just make it go away. Just make it stop. Probably, it reminds us of our own mortality. And we are afraid. (There’s fear again.) And this fear causes people to become desperate. Searching for a cure. Traveling from one place to another for this treatment or that experimental remedy. Researching and reading. Everything from medicine to therapy and remedies natural, spiritual, and metaphysical. We fear death, and so we want to do something—anything to stop it. The grim fact is no matter how much we exhaust ourselves by trying, we cannot stop death. Death is our enemy. In fact, death is our worst and ultimate enemy. But our worst enemy has already been defeated. How do I know? Jesus Christ lives.

Ironically (and Providentially), next week is Holy Week. The week when we mark the finality of Christ’s victory over death as we walk with Jesus from his triumphal entry into Jerusalem to the Last Supper, to his crucifixion, and of course, his glorious resurrection. And so, the question is not, “Can God heal Lucy?” Of course he can. Nor is the question, “Why doesn’t God heal Lucy?” That has not been given to us to know—either in this situation or in any other. Actually, one way to answer the “Why” question is “God has already healed Lucy by strengthening her one day at a time for another year of life with us after her heart attack. And God will heal Lucy completely, either in this life or in his presence.” Of that, there is no question.

Praise be to God that Christ's death and resurrection has freed us from the curse of sin and death! We can face the hardships of this life with faith and hope in the new life he gives us as we share in His resurrection! And praise God that there are faithful saints like Ruthie Gutierriez and Lucy Jarrett whose physical suffering in this life points us to Christ and the promises of the life to come!

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

1 Peter 1:3-9

On Running

I just read my cousin in-law's blog today and she was talking about once being a runner and now, a few months after having a baby, being a jogger aspiring to be a runner once more. She is learning her body's new-found limitations and is working hard to overcome them. I can totally relate to that.

I am pretty sure I have never been as good a runner as my cousin in-law, but I have always loved running. Before I had Samuel I was training for a half marathon and looked forward to running every chance I got! Then I was forced to stop because of a hip injury. After a few months' rest I thought I could start again, but could not because of my pregnancy with Samuel. I planned on getting back at it after Samuel was born (in order to shed that baby weight), but then those plans were altered when I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

About a month ago we found out about the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5K run in Savannah and Matt and I decided to participate in it. Matt is not and has never really been a runner (or a jogger). He is active, but has always disliked running and has never trained for any races. But he told me that he was determined to train for this race. To be honest, I doubted that he would follow through with his commitment at first. But he has been going out several nights a week to train for the race. I have been so proud of him!

Of course, after seeing him run (and checking out the Nike GPS App he has been using) I got the bug to run. I finally decided that there was no reason that I couldn’t start running and try to train for the race with him. I thought, "I can handle it. It's just 3.1 miles, right?!" Well, I apparently underestimated how hard my surgery and chemotherapy have been on my body. When I went out for my first jog I was in utter pain - especially in my chest - and realized it was just not going to happen that day. But being a bit hard-headed, I decided that the pain of that first jog was a fluke and I tried jogging again the next day. But after my second failed attempt at jogging it became very clear to me that I was not going to be able to do the 5K. I might do the mile walk, or I might simply just watch everyone else do the race.

I know I will be able to jog and maybe even run again someday. But for now I am having to learn to be content to live "in this skin in this time," as my cousin in-law put it. I have to remind myself that this is only a phase and God will strengthen my body in His perfect timing.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God 

is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:26

Medical Update

Today I had my fifth of twelve treatments in my current round of chemo, so I’m almost halfway through! This round of chemo that I have been getting has not been nearly as bad as the round I had last Winter. I am so thankful for that. I have been able to keep up with the kids (for the most part) and have been able to remain active in our church activities, including the young adults Bible Study. It has been very encouraging to be able to continue with those things.

But at the same time, it has been hard thinking about how if February’s surgery had gone according to plan (that is, if my lymph node biopsy came back negative and they did the reconstruction) I would be just a few weeks away from being done with everything. But that is not what happened - the cancer did spread to my lymph nodes and so I could not have my reconstruction during that surgery. Yet this extended treatment process is what God has planned for me and I trust he is using it to grow my endurance, character, and hope (Romans 5:3-5).

In my first round of chemo, I was so nauseated and fatigued that I was not able to care for the kids at all for at least three days after each treatment. With this round, I have been able to care for the kids myself - but just barely. I still have a fair amount of fatigue and nausea, so it makes for a few quite hard and challenging days in dealing with my three little munchkins. Don’t get me wrong, they are a joy and most days they even make me forget that I am sick at all J But I still need prayer that I will have the physical, emotional, and spiritual strength as I go through these last 7 weeks of chemo then look on towards 35 days of radiation and surgery. 

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that
suffering produces endurance,
and endurance produces character,
and character produces hope,
and hope does not put us to shame, 
because God's love has been poured into our hearts
through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Romans 5:3-5

Fundraiser: Avon Walk for Breast Cancer

 My friends Drew and Amanda Holbrook will be participating in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in Washington, D.C., on April 30th and May 1st. In my honor and for the sake of all those with breast cancer, they will be walking thirty-six miles over two days to raise money and awareness for breast cancer. They are currently raising funds in order to participate in the walk and beginning today (April 1st), a portion of every purchase made at this 31 Gifts website will go towards that need. I encourage you to support them!

God's Hand in Our Affliction (Psalm 119)

Psalm 119 is one of my all-time favorite psalms, but I had never noticed how frequently it addresses the issue of affliction until I read this blog post by Justin Taylor.

A few observations from Psalm 119:

God’s painful discipline of his children always has a redemptive purpose and is done in faithful love. 67 Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word. 71 It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes. 75 I know, O Lord, that your rules are righteous, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me.

God’s life-giving promise is a comfort in time of affliction. 50 This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life.

God’s word sustains us through affliction. 92 If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction.

God can deliver us from affliction, and we can cry out for life. 153 Look on my affliction and deliver me, for I do not forget your law. 107 I am severely afflicted; give me life, O Lord, according to your word!

When Erin and I are discouraged by issues related to her health, it is both comforting and convicting to be reminded of these truths from God's Word. It is a comfort to know that the affliction of Erin's cancer is not out of God's control or designed to harm her, but in God's control and designed for our good. But it is also convicting because too often we lack the hope that God's Word can sustain us in affliction because our natural inclination is to believe that the only solution to our affliction is to be free from affliction. And too often we lack the faith that will cause us to cry out to God in prayer because our natural inclination is to bring out thoughts and complaints to those we can see. As Erin prepares for another chemotherapy treatment tomorrow (Tuesday, March 29th), please pray that God would be changing our hearts, causing them to be more consistent and bold in trusting in these comforting and convicting promises from God's Word.

Medical Update

This week has been an odd mix of progress and complexity for me medically.

In terms of progress, I made my last post-operative trip to Charleston on Tuesday and everything seems to be healing well and on track for reconstructive surgery in the Fall. Also, as of Wednesday I am officially one-thirf of the way through my current round of chemotherapy; I have completed four treatments and have eight more to go. [By the way, I don't necessarily have a regular day for chemotherapy. My first two treatments were on Thursdays, my most recent two were on Wednesdays, and my next one is on Tuesday. When I go in for treatment mostly depends on when I can coordinate my schedule with my doctor's schedule.] For those who are dealing with long-term illnesses like cancer, it is encouraging to be able to step back from the seemingly endless appointments and procedures and see that real progress is being made with each step that is taken. The process of dealing with my cancer is far from over, but day-by-day, progress is being made and that is reassuring.

While certain benchmarks of progress were made this week, my overall health has seemed more complex for some reason this week. My current chemotherapy drug has always made me slightly nauseous and very easily fatigued, but I have been struggling with other things as well. I won't go into detail about my various symptoms; I'll just say that my body has just been off balance lately (and sometimes literally). In some ways I think my body must be confused by the potpourri of medications I am taking. It is one thing for me to keep track of my medications (in fact, Matt just installed a new medicine cabinet in our bathroom to hold them all), but it is another for my body to process and adjust to them appropriately. Anyway, I am hoping that I can gain some greater physical stability in the coming week.

As you have the opportunity, please pray that God would give me and my doctors wisdom about how to treat my cancer and keep my body relatively healthy. And please continue to pray that God would sustain me and my family during these tedious weeks of chemotherapy. As far as we know, we are really only about half-way through with my total cancer treatment (the anticipated finish line is towards the end of 2011). It has been a long process already, but there is so much more to do. So please pray for us to persevere by faith as we trust in God to give us the physical, emotional, and spiritual stregnth we need to run this race well.

Praying for Wisdom

It is always a blessing to talk with other moms. This morning I  went to our bi-weekly MOPS meeting that meets at our church. I enjoy being able to have conversations with other moms without 3 little children hanging off of every part of me! I also had a chance to talk to more moms while I was at a Bible Study tonight. Between being a mom and having cancer, one thing that has been on my mind quite a bit lately has been the need for wisdom. Wisdom in being a parent is definitely one of the most consistent things that I pray for. I pray for wisdom in dealing with practical day-to-day tasks and transitions, and also wisdom in dealing with the large-scale emotional and spiritual needs of my children. 

Practically speaking, I have been trying to figure out my middle child, Hudson. I have found that there is a lot of intensity, drama, and transition that comes with a two year old boy. For example, Hudson keeps telling me he wants to go potty on the big boy potty. You would think this would be music to any mom’s ears, right? But I keep telling him, “We will a little later,“ or “Maybe tomorrow.“ Every once in a while I will muster up enough energy to take his diaper off let him sit…and sit some more…and 10 minutes later take him off with a battle because he never went, then put his diaper back on. Honestly, I have been telling myself that I will tackle that when I am “all better”. But here’s the wisdom issue: No one really knows when I will be better except for God. So even with a simple practical thing like potty training I need to remind myself to go to God in prayer and ask him to give me wisdom, energy, and consistency I need to do this task.  

We have also been dealing with getting Hudson to sleep in a “big boy bed.” We put him in his big boy bed around Christmas and he did great for a couple months. Every once in a while he would get out and we would have to deal with him. But then he began getting out of bed consistently - both before going to sleep and sometimes in the middle of the night. It was leading to him not getting enough sleep at night and beginning to really effect his attitude. Especially since I was sleeping in the recliner in the living room and could not deal with him in the middle of the night, we figured the best thing to do was to temporarily put him back in the crib. So he slept very well in his crib for several weeks. Then one night, while I was sleeping on the recliner, I heard some strange noises coming from behind me. I got very scared thinking an intruder was in the house. I slowly looked behind me and there was Hudson…sitting on top of his train table just staring at me. (I have to admit, it was almost as scary as someone breaking in!) I put him back in his crib and he went right back to sleep. But the next morning when Matt went in to his room to get him up there was Hudson…sitting on top of his changing table! I am thankful that he seems to be able to get in and out of his crib with much grace, but of course I would be even more thankful if he didn’t get out at all. Again, here’s the wisdom issue: when do we transition him back to his big boy bed? After praying about this and really taking a look at my son’s personality and what works with HIM, I realized we needed to try a little positive reinforcement. So as of yesterday we now have a Thomas the Train sticker chart; he will get a sticker to put on the chart every morning that he stays in bed all night. It has only been one night, but it has worked! I hope this keeps working because Samuel needs to transition to the crib in Hudson’s room. Right now Samuel is rapidly growing out of the pack and play he is sleeping in…in our closet! J

Then there are the wisdom issues in dealing with the emotional spiritual needs of my children. I have begun to notice a pattern with my oldest daughter, Lydia. When Matt and I are getting ready to go to one of my doctor’s appointments her attitude seems to change. I always take time to talk with her about my sickness and try to help her to understand what is happening with me. She tries to be very brave, but some times she crumbles into sadness and tears. One day someone mentioned to me that she seemed upset. So I asked her why she was upset and she told me a story about seeing a bee. I thought maybe that could be the issue, but maybe there is more. Again, the wisdom issue: Do I keeping on digging because I am suspicious there is more to her sadness or do I let her tell me in her own time if there is really something else that is bothering her? I decided to keep digging. I asked her if she was upset that I went to the doctor. She responded saying,  “Yes! Your medicine is NOT making you better!” This opened a door for us to explain how my medicine is working. Even more importantly, it gave us a chance to tell her that God is taking care of me and he will always take care of her. 

It is hard to see my children having to deal with the effects of my cancer, weather it is in practical ways or emotional ways. But it is a good reminder to me that I am not in complete control of their lives. I can’t have my hand in every detail of their lives - even when I am healthy. I have to trust that ultimately God will take care of them. In the meantime, it is my responsibility to pray diligently for each of them and to pray that God will give me the wisdom I need as a mom to take care of them and love them as He would.

“My son, eat honey, for it is good, and the drippings of the honeycomb are sweet to your taste. Know that wisdom is such to your soul; if you find it, there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off.”
Proverbs 24:13-14

A God Who Sometimes Says No

People have blessed me in so many ways during my battle with cancer - from providing generous financial help, to delivering delicious home-cooked meals, to giving up personal time to babysit my kids, to sending notes of encouragement, and the list goes on. All of these things have been incredibly helpful and encouraging.

But perhaps the best thing anyone do for me during this season of my life is to pray for me - for healing, for wisdom and patience, for emotional strength, for faith and hope, and for God to glorify Himself through me. The Bible teaches that prayer isn't just positive thinking or merely wishing certain things, but it is actually our means of communicating with the one true God. God promises to hear and to answer every prayer that is offered to Him by faith and in Jesus' name. He has given us the gift of prayer to cast our cares upon Him and to ask for Him to work in our lives. And so that is why I often include specific prayer requests in my blog posts.

The trick is that God does not promise to answer every prayer in the way we hope He will. He is not a magic genie who is obligated to fulfill our requests. As Jesus taught in the Lord's Prayer, we should pray for God's will to be done, not ours. That seems to make good sense when it comes to people praying for selfish or evil things. But what about when our prayers are for good things - for instance, for someone to be healed from cancer - why would God not agree to answer such a prayer with healing? Or to put it more personally: why would God allow my cancer to spread to my lymph nodes when so many people were praying that would not happen? If I have been praying so hard from the beginning that I would not have to do radiation, then why would God deny my request and have me do radiation?

In God's good timing, this past Sunday our pastor, John Fender, addressed this very topic in his sermon on Deuteronomy 3:23-29, "A God Who Sometimes Says No." He does a fantastic job of answering this perplexing question that countless Christians have faced throughout history. It was a great help to me - especially during this time - and I pray it will be a help to many of you as well.


A God Who Sometimes Says No from John Fender on Vimeo.

Family Days

God never gives us more than we can handle and always provides what we need just when we need it. And God provided just what we needed: two restful family days.

Through the generosity of family and friends, God provided Matt and I with a 24-hour mini-vacation in Hilton Head Island yesterday and today (3/14-15). The past couple weeks have been very hard on both of us, so this brief time away could not have come at a better time. It was so nice to be in a different place and to not have to think or talk about being sick, about cancer, about doctors, etc. We were able to just relax and enjoy God's creation together.

Today we came back from Hilton Head to celebrate Lydia's 4th birthday. It is so hard to believe that my little girl is growing up so fast! I am so thankful for my sweet, thoughtful, precious Lydia.

 

 

 

I am so thankful for everyone who has been praying for me and encouraging me throughout this process, especially during the past two weeks. This journey has taught me so much what it means to be a part of the Body of Christ. 

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now.

Philippians 1:3-5

Cast Your Burden On the Lord

This has been a very hard week...easily one of the hardest I have faced so far in my journey through cancer.

On Tuesday I had two procedures: one in Charleston in the morning and one in Savannah in the afternoon. The appointment in Charleston was with my plastic surgeon, Dr. O'Niell. I have been going to see him weekly for post-operative visits since my surgery on February 11th. He checked to make sure everything was healing well and then injected about 100 cc's of saline into each of my chest expanders. The expansions are usually somewhat painful, but this time I experienced a very sharp, intense pain in my back immediately after he expanded my right side. The doctor expected it to go away over the course of the day, so we went on to our next procedure back in Savannah.

The procedure in Savannah was for installing a port for chemotherapy. Most of my veins are unusable due to the cancer in my lymph nodes and previous chemotherapy treatments, so the port will give direct access to my blood stream without having to tap into a new vein at each treatment. As we walked into the vascular surgeon's outpatient office I had a very unsettled feeling, but wasn't sure why. After getting a saline IV started and doing some paperwork, a doctor came and said that the surgeon that was supposed to do the procedure today was not available, so he was going to fill in. I nodded and smiled, but inside I was quietly hoping that didn't mean he was the second-string doctor! We told him that my oncologist wanted me to get a port in my arm, but he disagreed with that recommendation and told us it would be best to put the port in my chest. We were a little confused with his reasoning for doing a chest port, but we figured this was his specialty so hwe should trust his advice.

When he finished going over the basics of the procedure with me the nurses brought me back to the procedure room. I was hoping for a nurse to give me a more detailed explanation of the procedure and what to expect, but she didn't say too much. I asked if and when I would get pain medicine. The nurse told me they would give me pain medicine through my IV before they began the procedure. Then she had me lay flat on the table (which hurt extremely bad because of the downward pressure on my newly-expanded expanders) and she began spreading a surgical prep solution on my chest and neck. Without warning, the nurse draped a blue paper cloth over me from head to toe. I could not see anything or breath well and because of my severe chest pain, I wasn't able to remove the cloth from my face.

The next thing I knew, everyone left the room and I was lying on the table alone, struggling to fight the pain and the claustrophobia. I'll never forget what I heard next: the nurses were shouting down the hallway, "Hey, who is doing this surgery? Is it Dr. Haresh or Dr. DeChamplain? Where are we putting the port? Oh, I thought it was in the arm?” Needless to say, these were not very comforting comments. I would like to think that the people who were about to cut into my carotid artery knew what they were doing! Finally, a doctor came in...but it not the doctor who had spoken to me earlier. I could tell this new doctor was a woman from her voice, but she did not speak to me and I never saw her face. Finally, about half-way through the procedure, one of the nurses noticed my body beginning to convulse because of the pain. She lifted up the blue paper and saw tears streaming from my eyes. Surprised, she asked, “Are you okay?" I wanted to say, “Oh, yes I am doing wonderful today…and how are you?” But all I could say was, "Um…no…I'm in horrible pain." Finally, they gave me some pain medicine (though it didn't kick in until after the 30-minute procedure was complete) and they finished up the procedure. All in all, it was a pretty miserable experience.

Throughout the rest of the afternoon and evening I continued to have the sharp pain that I had from the expansion. It got so severe around 1am that we called my plastic surgeon's office. Though he was not even on call, my doctor was willing to talk with us for nearly 30 minutes. He even gave me his personal cell phone number in case I needed to call him back or text him with a question. After discussing my symptoms, he suggested either going to the ER or coming in to see him the next day. We decided to manage the pain with medication that night and to go see him first thing in the morning. such a kind and thoughtful doctor. So at 5:45am on Wednesday we began driving back to Charleston for my 8:30am appointment. At the appointment, Dr. O'Neill removed about half of the saline he had injected into my right side the day before, hoping that the reduction would mean less pressure and pain. Thankfully, throughout the day that is exactly what happened.

And today, Thursday, was chemo. Now to be honest, with all of the pain I experienced on Tuesday and Wednesday, the LAST thing in the world I wanted to do today was to experience more pain or to add nausea into the equation. I was at the end of my rope physically and emotionally and did not think I could handle one more thing going wrong. Thankfully, in general, everything did go okay. But wouldn't you know it, they ended up not even using my port! The area around the port was still so tender from the installation that we decided to use a normal vein for one more week.

I've had several hard days in my journey so far, but today was probably one of my hardest days. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually I am just exhausted. It's been a day of longing for my heavenly home! During a particulary hard moment during chemo today Matt handed me his iPhone. I looked at the screen and the title said, "Psalm 55." I looked at him and said, “Matt, I honestly don't feel like reading the Bible right now.” He said, "I know - that's why you need to read it," and he put it right in front of my face. I guess when you are married to a pastor there is no getting away from God’s Word…especially when he has it on his iPhone! Reluctantly, I read Psalm 55. The passage - a psalm of lament - was a perfect fit for my mood. Here are verses 4-8 and 22a:

My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fear and trembling come upon me, and horror overwhelms me. And I say, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest; yes, I would wander far away; I would lodge in the wilderness; I would hurry to find a shelter from the raging wind and tempest.” Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you.

As I read David's cries of anguish and his reminder of God's sustaining hand, I instantly felt my heart soften its spirit and lighten its load. Sometimes we may not “feel” like reading God's Word, or praying, or going to church, but when we do we realize that these are the primary ways God relates to us and encourages our hearts. Thanks be to the Lord for His grace, mercy, and friendship to us when our hearts are weak!

After this very hard and exhausting week of doctors appointments, I am excited to say I do not have any more appointments until next Wednesday! Also, I am looking forward to a short getaway with Matt (on Monday) and Lydia's 4th birthday (on Tuesday). Hopefully I am feeling well for both of those things. I am still fighting pain from the expansion and a bit of nausea from the chemo treatment, so I'd appreciate your prayers that those would be done with soon.

The Hard Road Before Us

The past several days have been a bit discouraging for Erin and I. In addition to the practical stress of going to 2-3 doctors appointments each week, managing half a dozen medications, and caring for three our three little ones, we have been wrestling through a few particularly difficult realities.

1. An unusually hard recovery. Erin has continued to have a very hard time recovering from her surgery on February 11th. She is healing, but the process has been unusually long, painful, and tiring. She has constant pain in her chest, partially due to the normal aches and pains of recovering from major surgery and partially due to the follow-up adjustments to her temporary breast expanders. She has also been very fatigued. Between chemotherapy, surgery, and medications, her body has been through a lot in the last few months.

2. An uncertain chemotherapy plan. Though she is still struggling to make a full recovery from her surgery, Erin begins a new round of chemotherapy today (March 3rd). She will be taking a drug which she has not had before (Abraxane) once a week for twelve weeks. While the side-effects of this drug are normally less severe than the drugs she had during her first round of chemotherapy, we're uncertain how she will tolerate her treatment. She will probably experience a certain amount of nausea and fatigue, but we're hoping she doesn't re-lose her hair (she has had about a 1/4-inch of hair grow back since the end of her first round of chemotherapy).

3. An unexpectedly hard road ahead. A month ago, we expected her surgery to be the last major hurdle of her cancer treatment. But with the discovery that the had spread and formed a tumor in a lymph node ("upgrading" her cancer from Stage 1 to Stage 2A), she will need to do radiation this Summer and reconstructive surgery this Fall. In many ways, things will get harder for Erin before they get better.

While there are so many things we are thankful for (Erin's cancer is only Stage 2A, Erin's new round of chemo should be easier than before, we have had a ton of help from family and friends with childcare, meals, etc.), the reality is that Erin's day-to-day life is very hard (despite the smile on her face) and will continue to be hard for the better part of 2011. We can rejoice and be glad that God has been faithful to supply our every need in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:19) to this point, and we know we can trust Him to continue to do that in the future. But we still have to walk the road before us by faith and with hope, virtues that do not come naturally for anyone.

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
Psalm 43:5

A Day in the Life

Even with everything that goes along with cancer, I have realized that not too much is different in my daily life as a young mother. Yes, the weeks seem busier when I have a lot of doctors appointments. And the days seem longer when I am not feeling well. And ordinary tasks like getting dressed are a bit more complicated when I have post-surgery fluid drains attached to me (on the other hand I do not have to deal with too much hair maintenance!). But none of these things keep me from being a mother or from enjoying day-to-day life with three little ones.

The mornings usually begin nice and early thanks to my four month old alarm clock, Samuel. While I am giving him his bottle I usually welcome two more little munchkins into my bed. I love to start the day with a good cuddle. But the serenity of those early-morning cuddles is very short-lived before the squabbling begins. “That’s my blankie!” “No MY milk!” “Can we watch cartoons?”

Tuesday and Thursday mornings tend to be nice because I have the chance to be alone with the boys when Lydia goes to her preschool. That is usually my opportunity to get some housework done.  It is surprisingly MUCH less crazy around the house when our rambunctious little Lydia is absent. I love it when she comes home though. She is full of stories and loves to show me all she has made from that morning. But this also tends to be a quite hectic time. All of a sudden I go from a somewhat quiet house to the crazy lunchtime rush. My sisters always laugh when I tell them that one of my kids favorite lunchtime meals is scrambled eggs with green beans…now that is normal, isn’t it!?

I am more than willing to extend all of my energy during these morning hours and get everything done that I need to because my reward is yet to come…NAP TIME! This is my quiet time. Without this hour or two of “self-time” I would not be able to make it through the day (and the coffee helps too). I rarely every sleep during this time…my rest time usually consists of reading, blogging, or …the DVR! J

Finally comes the time when daddy comes home. I have not yet figured out why this seems to be the most chaotic and loudest part of the day…maybe because the kids are so excited about seeing daddy, maybe because it is close to dinner time and they are hungry, or maybe there is just an alarm that goes off all over the world that tells all children that it is time to go CRAZY!!!

Dinner is always interesting, starting with our prayer time before the meal. Daddy starts to pray and since daddy prays Lydia has to pray, then if Lydia prays Hudson has to pray, then of course since everyone else prayed mommy has to pray too. By then the food is cold, but it has been prayed for four times, so it works out. At the ages that my kids are right now we don’t have much more of a conversation than, “Make sure to eat your peas,” or “Take two more bites of chicken,”  or “Don‘t rub the salad dressing in your hair,” or “If you finish your spaghetti you can have some ice cream!”

Depending on the night (or the amount of salad dressing in the hair), the kids have baths after dinner. The kids love bath time - and I love clean kids! But my favorite family time activity that we have, specifically in the winter, is fire time. Lydia and Hudson like us to build a fire in the fireplace, turn off every single light in the whole house, and have a dance party. This is actually very good exercise and it is really fun to hear the laughter and see the smiles of dancing toddlers. Then we settle the kids down to read some Bible stories and pray together.  Sometimes it doesn’t seem like the kids are listening or learning during this time, but more often than not we are surprised with how much they understand. It’s also interesting to see what Bible stories they enjoy most - Lydia’s current favorites are the Exodus from Egypt, David and Goliath, and Jesus’ Death and Resurrection.

The last part of the evening is such a sweet time. I am usually eager to move on to my time with Matt, but it is so rewarding to take the time to talk to, sing with, and pray for each of the kids. I pray that that time will both strengthen their bonds with me and soften their hearts towards Christ. Of course, merely putting the kids to bed doesn’t necessarily mean they go to sleep. For instance, Matt went into Hudson’s room to check on him about twenty minutes after putting him to bed. When Matt walked into the room he noticed Hudson’s pants and blankie on the floor, but no Hudson. He looked in the bed, but no Hudson. He looked in the closet, but no Hudson. He looked in the kids’ bathroom, but no Hudson. He looked in Lydia’s room, but no Hudson. He looked in the living room, but no Hudson. Finally, Matt noticed that our bedroom door was half-way open. Matt went into the bedroom and found the pants-less Hudson sitting on the floor in our bathroom - with all the lights off - putting band-aids all over himself. Matt scolded Hudson for getting out of bed and for getting into the band-aids and put him back to bed. And wouldn’t you know it, just five minutes later a pants-less Hudson re-emerged from his bedroom attempting to sneak back to our bathroom for more band-aids!

Each day certainly brings its own craziness and business! But if I have learned one thing from this experience it is that I want to appreciate the little things in life and enjoy my family. And most importantly, I want to model Christ’s love for them day in and day out.

 

Lydia (turning 4 in 2 weeks), Hudson (2 and 1/2), and Samuel (our enormous 4-month old)

Medical Update

Though I am still dealing with a significant amount of pain from my surgery (two weeks ago today), I am thankful to be feeling well enough to be taking care of my kids again. There are some things that I still can’t do (or at least shouldn’t do), like lifting them or doing things that require a lot of physical exertion, but I am able to care for their basic needs.

There is no way any of us would have survived the last two weeks if my mother in-law and mother were not each able to come for several days to help out. And our good friend Lori continues to be a huge help and blessing to us. She has tirelessly and graciously cared for our kids for the majority of my doctors appointments, including watching them for four days while I was in the hospital for my surgery. Of course, there have been many other people helping us with childcare needs and we are so thankful for all of you! 

This week we met with both of my surgeons to follow-up from the surgery and to discuss plans for the coming months. The surgeons were both pleased with my recovery so far. I have had an unusual amount of pain, but everything seems to be good in terms of my body healing. One interesting follow-up fact that we learned this week is that the tumor that was found in my lymph node was actually .1 cm larger than the tumor in my breast at the time of surgery. We didn’t even know that tumor existed and it was larger than the one we were focusing on! As far as we know there is no reason to be concerned about this since none of my other lymph nodes contained any cancer. However, there may very well be stray cancer cells in other parts of my body, so I will do a follow-up round of chemotherapy once a week for twelve weeks (March 3-May 26) and then thirty consecutive days of radiation treatment. So we are going to be pretty busy with doctors visits in the coming months, especially in the next month as I will need to go to Charleston every Tuesday for follow-up appointments and to Savannah every Thursday for chemotherapy.

The Entertaining Side of Recovery

Erin came home from the hospital on Monday evening and has been recovering well from her surgery. The surgery was a success – they removed all of the cancer from her breast and the follow-up pathology report confirmed that the cancer had only spread to one lymph node (which has also been removed). We are thankful to God for the good surgeons and nurses who cared for Erin and helped her through those first days after her surgery. Since we live about 100 miles from the hospital where her surgery was performed, we were a little nervous about the possibility of her having questions or complications after coming home. But so far she has not had any unexpected complications – at least not any medical complications. In terms of her day-to-day functioning, though, Erin has had her share of personal complications.

Of course, this is not her fault. She is dealing with a lot of pain from the surgery, so she is taking a very powerful pain-killer and muscle relaxant - both of which make her tired, confused, and….well…entertaining. Erin’s older sister, Katie (who has a blog of her own), was kind enough to document one particularly entertaining account from a couple days ago. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Matt

______________________________________________________________________________

On a typical day, my sisters and I will talk on the phone at least twice. Sometimes it’s for absolutely no reason other than the, “I’m bored and it’s 4:00 p.m. and nap time is over and it’s cold outside and I don’t feel like cooking dinner and my husband isn’t home from work yet and I don’t know what in the world else to do.” Sometimes our conversations simply revolve around what we did the night before and what we have planned for the rest of the day. For some of us, those conversations are more interesting than for others. And then at other times, we simply call each other to laugh. Often it will be over something one of our kids said. How could I not share, for example, the fact that my son thought that my heartburn was caused by the fact that I was just loving Jesus too much! I’m glad we can laugh at our kids and, at times, at life’s circumstances, but I’m also thankful that my family has the ability to laugh at themselves. As my sister Erin has been known to say, “You just can’t take life too seriously.”

While I’ve had plenty of moments that deserve, and often receive, a good laugh (while teaching a Bible study this week, for instance, I referred to the weapons my husband saw on a trip to Yemen as ‘Machete Guns’), I am going to focus, at her request, on a conversation that I had with my “don’t take life too seriously” sister on Wednesday afternoon. When I called, I was concerned. By the time I hung up, I was laughing.

Erin has been in a great deal of pain since returning home from her surgery, thus the need for a consistent dose of pain medications. And, as you can imagine, she is not taking the everyday IB-Profin. And, as you can also imagine, the pain killers do something to her capacity to…well… think straight. And, as you can further imagine, if you catch her at just the right time, the conversation can take all sorts of interesting twists and turns. On Wednesday I caught her at just the right time. I called to see if she was still in much pain. When she answered the phone, I got a very slurred “Hello” (imagine the word minus the “ll’s”). I had the answer to my pain question immediately.

Me: “Erin, how are you?”

Erin: “Not really good. I feel great” (slurred….again).

I have to admit the “I feel great” part already began to take a toll. I was totally smiling, but trying, at this point, not to laugh. Then, silence.

Me: “Um, hello?”

I wondered if I should just hang up.

Erin: “Hello?”

Me: “Are you there? Do you want me to call back later?”

Erin: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, Erin, can you hear me?”

Erin: “No, no, no. I’m just resting.”

Me: “Oh, are you in bed? I can totally call back.”

Erin: “No, I’m outside.”

Me: “You’re resting outside?”

Erin: “No! I’m outside playing with the kids.”

Me: “You’re playing with the kids outside?”

Erin: “No, I’m resting.”

Now I was laughing.

Me: “Erin, so, do you know when will you go back to the doctors?”

At this point, Erin interjected some results that I was more than happy to hear. It came out slowly, but sensibly:

Erin: “Hey, oh, the pathology on the other lymph nodes all came back negative.”

Praise God!

Me: “Erin, that’s great.”

And then it occurred to me that maybe she was feeling a bit more “with it.” But then, well, then she kept talking.

Erin: “Yeah, but I don’t know what that has anything to do with anything.”

What?! So, I tried to explain why those results were good news. After my twenty seconds of Dr. Katie, she completely interrupted me:

Erin: “Can you believe I have three kids?”

Me: “Um….”

I had nothing. But, I didn’t need to. My drug induced sister kept talking:

Erin: “Wait, you have three children.”

Now, I was just full out laughing. And in a creepy way, I was kind of okay staying on the phone for a few more minutes.

Me: “Yep, I have three kids too.”

Erin then informed me that she was going to sleep on the couch that night for her first night home. It’s important to understand the timeline of events in order to understand the conclusion to this conversation: Erin had surgery on Friday, they came home on Monday, her mother-in-law came to help on Tuesday, and this conversation was happening on a Wednesday. The older sister in me felt the need to set things straight. I have no idea why I thought I could do that at this point in the conversation.

Me: “Erin, this won’t be your first night home. You guys came home on Monday; do you mean you slept on the couch on Monday night?”

If God had granted me a gentle, nurturing personality, I probably would have simply wrapped up the conversation and told her to get some rest. However, I cannot claim those as primary qualities. My first instinct was to prove to Erin that I was right. And perhaps I could have resisted this urge if it were not for my sister who made the foolishly bold statement:

Erin: “You are wrong!”

I started arguing with illogic itself.

Me: “I am not wrong. You guys came home on Monday from the hospital, so tonight will be your third night at home – remember? You came home Monday night in time for the kids to go to bed, and then on Tuesday you picked up ….”

In the middle of my sentence, I heard loud breathing followed by an exasperated claim:

Erin: “We just got home yesterday, I’m telling you!”

Me: “Wait, you’re claiming tonight will be your first night. Now you’re saying you got home yesterday?”

I wondered what would happen if I kept trying to throw logic her way. There was complete silence. And then I started feeling bad. Maybe my poor, foggy sister was trying to sort out my words. I allowed her to do so for a minute, just to ensure that she understood I was right.

Erin: “You’re wrong.”

Good grief.

Erin: “I totally feel good. I mean I could start treatment but they tell me the body has to heal or something dumb like that. I’m healed. I think you’re healed.”

Me: “Yep, I’m healed Erin. And I will talk to you later. Okay?”

I just needed to get off the phone so I could call Bekah so that we could laugh. This time it wouldn’t be about the kids, though.

Erin: “Are you laughing?”

Me: “Yep. This whole conversation has been pretty hilarious and you probably won’t remember any of it.”

Erin: “Oh, I keep telling Matt to post funny things I say. Am I saying funny things?”

Me: “Yep. Okay, then, I’ll call you later?”

Erin: “Okay. You’ll call me because I’m funny?”

Me: “Yep. Okay then. I’ll call you later.”

I wasn’t quite sure how to make the conversation end. So I just hung up. A part of me wondered how long she kept talking. There is no doubt that I’ll be calling my sister again soon. And maybe not for typical, everyday reasons.