Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Hardships and Blessings

It has been quite a week for me – very physically and emotionally exhausting – and it is only Wednesday! I have had lots going on medically and Matt has been away at a conference in Virginia since Tuesday. I guess until now I haven’t realized just how much I have depended on him both physically and emotionally during this process.

On Monday and Tuesday I had my final two preparation appointments for my radiation treatments. The preparation process involves taking several scans of the area they will radiate, marking the area on my body, and calibrating the computerized devices which actually do the radiation. Since radiation can do damage to the heart and lungs, they want to be very careful to only radiate a specific area. For some reason, this process was harder for me than getting stuck with needles for chemotherapy. It has always been very painful for me to be flat on my back (I get headaches and backaches if I am flat on my back for too long), and that is the position I need to be in for the radiation (with my arms above my head as well – not too comfortable). As I lay on the table during the tests and today during my first treatment I kept asking myself, “How am I going to do this thirty-five times?!” Not only do I have to assume this painful position daily, but I have to work out a time to come each day during a busy summer schedule. I quickly realized that I am just going to have to take it one day at a time! 

God is really teaching me to have patience right now...especially with my body. In many ways, it seems like the past nine months has brought my body problem after problem. Sure, progress is being made in important ways – but new things keep coming up. It has been very frustrating and discouraging. But in the midst of each new problem, I need to trust and rest in the truth that God is in control and he is taking care of me day by day. As the song in the video below says, "What if the trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?"

As I am typing this I am outside watching Lydia, Hudson, and Samuel play in the pool. Watching them play reminds me that I can have the hardest day in the world, but I still have so many incredible blessings that God has given me and I am so thankful for them. I am thankful for each of my precious children and for their good health. I am thankful for a loving, caring husband who loves me, but even more importantly loves Christ and His Church. I am thankful for wonderful friends who are there to listen to me. I am thankful for the wonderful friend and helper I have in Bethany, who has volunteered to be here with our family for the summer. And I am thankful for all of my doctors who are continually using their expertise to help me.

As I go through the remainder of this week I would appreciate your continued prayers for the radiation process, as well as for some tests I will be having later this week. Please pray that God will give me strength for each new day and help me to see his blessings in everything.

Salvation belongs to the Lord
your blessing be on your people!
Psalm 3:8