Saturday, February 5, 2011

Jesus Draw Me Nearer

The reality of my upcoming surgery has been setting in over the past couple days and it is giving me somewhat mixed emotions. On the one hand, after living with this tumor in me for over five months it is nice to know I will finally be getting rid of it. On the other hand, I am a bit anxious and scared about the surgery and recovery process. I mean, when you get a pre-surgery invoice for $75,000 from your surgeon, you know you are in for something pretty serious. Of course, I've also never been so thankful for my medical insurance! 

For these last several days before my surgery my focus is on enjoying family time since it will be a couple weeks until our family life is normal again. Tonight was a great family evening with the kids: playing Candyland by the fire, reading, looking at photo albums, and just enjoying watching and listening to the kids. And I am so thankful for such a godly and fun husband who cares so much for our children and is both willing and able to care for them whether I am sick or not.

I was listening to a song by Keith and Kristyn Getty tonight called, "Jesus Draw Me Nearer." The words are such a perfect fit for what I am going through right now. Here is just one section:
Jesus draw me ever nearer, as I labour through the storm.
You have called me to this passage, and I'll follow, though I'm worn.
May this journey bring a blessing, may I rise on wings of faith;

And at the end of my heart's testing, with Your likeness let me wake.
At certain moments of this journey it has been very easy to get frustrated and wonder why I have to go through this. But God has been faithful to remind me that none of life's moments - even the hard moments - are ever wasted. In His wise providence, God uses life's trials to strengthen our character and deepen our faith. And in that process, God grants us joy. As Romans 5:3-5 says:
We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
As you think of me this week, please pray for the following things:
  1. That God will be glorified through Matt and me during this process, especially as I relate to my doctors and nurses.
  2. That Lydia, Hudson, and Samuel would do well while Matt and I are in Charleston. 
  3. That Matt will not be worried about me and will be able to keep up with his work responsibilities.
  4. That my doctors will be successful in removing all of the cancer, that no cancer will be found in my lymph nodes, and that the tissue used for my reconstruction would survive without complications.