Thursday, March 24, 2011

Praying for Wisdom

It is always a blessing to talk with other moms. This morning I  went to our bi-weekly MOPS meeting that meets at our church. I enjoy being able to have conversations with other moms without 3 little children hanging off of every part of me! I also had a chance to talk to more moms while I was at a Bible Study tonight. Between being a mom and having cancer, one thing that has been on my mind quite a bit lately has been the need for wisdom. Wisdom in being a parent is definitely one of the most consistent things that I pray for. I pray for wisdom in dealing with practical day-to-day tasks and transitions, and also wisdom in dealing with the large-scale emotional and spiritual needs of my children. 

Practically speaking, I have been trying to figure out my middle child, Hudson. I have found that there is a lot of intensity, drama, and transition that comes with a two year old boy. For example, Hudson keeps telling me he wants to go potty on the big boy potty. You would think this would be music to any mom’s ears, right? But I keep telling him, “We will a little later,“ or “Maybe tomorrow.“ Every once in a while I will muster up enough energy to take his diaper off let him sit…and sit some more…and 10 minutes later take him off with a battle because he never went, then put his diaper back on. Honestly, I have been telling myself that I will tackle that when I am “all better”. But here’s the wisdom issue: No one really knows when I will be better except for God. So even with a simple practical thing like potty training I need to remind myself to go to God in prayer and ask him to give me wisdom, energy, and consistency I need to do this task.  

We have also been dealing with getting Hudson to sleep in a “big boy bed.” We put him in his big boy bed around Christmas and he did great for a couple months. Every once in a while he would get out and we would have to deal with him. But then he began getting out of bed consistently - both before going to sleep and sometimes in the middle of the night. It was leading to him not getting enough sleep at night and beginning to really effect his attitude. Especially since I was sleeping in the recliner in the living room and could not deal with him in the middle of the night, we figured the best thing to do was to temporarily put him back in the crib. So he slept very well in his crib for several weeks. Then one night, while I was sleeping on the recliner, I heard some strange noises coming from behind me. I got very scared thinking an intruder was in the house. I slowly looked behind me and there was Hudson…sitting on top of his train table just staring at me. (I have to admit, it was almost as scary as someone breaking in!) I put him back in his crib and he went right back to sleep. But the next morning when Matt went in to his room to get him up there was Hudson…sitting on top of his changing table! I am thankful that he seems to be able to get in and out of his crib with much grace, but of course I would be even more thankful if he didn’t get out at all. Again, here’s the wisdom issue: when do we transition him back to his big boy bed? After praying about this and really taking a look at my son’s personality and what works with HIM, I realized we needed to try a little positive reinforcement. So as of yesterday we now have a Thomas the Train sticker chart; he will get a sticker to put on the chart every morning that he stays in bed all night. It has only been one night, but it has worked! I hope this keeps working because Samuel needs to transition to the crib in Hudson’s room. Right now Samuel is rapidly growing out of the pack and play he is sleeping in…in our closet! J

Then there are the wisdom issues in dealing with the emotional spiritual needs of my children. I have begun to notice a pattern with my oldest daughter, Lydia. When Matt and I are getting ready to go to one of my doctor’s appointments her attitude seems to change. I always take time to talk with her about my sickness and try to help her to understand what is happening with me. She tries to be very brave, but some times she crumbles into sadness and tears. One day someone mentioned to me that she seemed upset. So I asked her why she was upset and she told me a story about seeing a bee. I thought maybe that could be the issue, but maybe there is more. Again, the wisdom issue: Do I keeping on digging because I am suspicious there is more to her sadness or do I let her tell me in her own time if there is really something else that is bothering her? I decided to keep digging. I asked her if she was upset that I went to the doctor. She responded saying,  “Yes! Your medicine is NOT making you better!” This opened a door for us to explain how my medicine is working. Even more importantly, it gave us a chance to tell her that God is taking care of me and he will always take care of her. 

It is hard to see my children having to deal with the effects of my cancer, weather it is in practical ways or emotional ways. But it is a good reminder to me that I am not in complete control of their lives. I can’t have my hand in every detail of their lives - even when I am healthy. I have to trust that ultimately God will take care of them. In the meantime, it is my responsibility to pray diligently for each of them and to pray that God will give me the wisdom I need as a mom to take care of them and love them as He would.

“My son, eat honey, for it is good, and the drippings of the honeycomb are sweet to your taste. Know that wisdom is such to your soul; if you find it, there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off.”
Proverbs 24:13-14