A Rainbow Reminder

I was reminded tonight of God’s faithfulness in a very simple way. I looked outside and saw a beautiful double rainbow. It reached all the way across the sky. After a few weeks of daily trials and hardships it was such a beautiful reminder of the promises that God gave to Noah. After 40 days of rain, God promised He would never flood the earth again, and the rainbow was the symbol of that promise. The rainbow was also the sign of the covenant relationship that God had with Noah and his descendants. In Genesis 9:13-17, God says,

“This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life.  Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.” So God said to Noah, “This is the sign of the covenant I have established between me and all life on the earth.”

Our God is gracious, loving, faithful, and stronger than any trial in this life. And I am so thankful that He gives us reminders of those truths, even visible reminders like rainbows, just when we need them.  

Voices and Faces

God has given me a really neat opportunity to share the story of my cancer journey. As you may know, October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Each October the American Cancer Society of Savannah sponsors a breast cancer awareness campaign called Voices and Faces of Breast Cancer Survivorship, which highlights the stories several local women who have gone or are currently going through cancer treatments for breast cancer. The campaign kicks off October 1st with a luncheon and fashion show, and commercials featuring the survivors will run on W-SAV throughout the month.

A few months ago I was chosen to be one of the survivors featured in the campaign. When the people at W-SAV filmed my interview for the commercials, I was able to emphasize how my cancer journey has been all about God's love and faithfulness to me and my hope of true life in Jesus Christ. I was also able to tell the story of how my dad's cancer journey has shaped my cancer journey. I will post the video of that commercial when it becomes available.

For now, I think I need to prepare my runway walk for Saturday's fashion show so that I don't end up like some of the models in the video below!

The Ultimate Metastasis

As I have mentioned before, my father, Rodney Stortz, was a pastor in St. Louis, Missouri, and battled with liver cancer for several years before dying in March of 2003 at the age of 52. He was such an amazing example to me in so many ways, especially in how to go through suffering with deep faith and true joy. And in God’s providence, he kept a diary during his battle with cancer that has been a continual encouragement to me during my battle with cancer.

But my dad was not our only family member who was a pastor that died of cancer. Matt’s uncle, Dan Fray, was a pastor in Red Wing, Minnesota for several years and died of stomach cancer in 1988 at the age of 38. A few days ago, one of Matt’s relatives sent me a copy of an article that Dan wrote for his church newsletter that was later reprinted in the Covenant Companion magazine. It is a wonderful reminder of what gives me joy in my journey: not the promise of physical healing, but the promise of spiritual life through Jesus Christ.

__________________________________________________

“The Ultimate Metastasis” by Daniel B. Fray

Metastasis. An ugly, fear-filled word referring to the transfer of malignant disease from one part of the body to another – part of the cancer jargon all too familiar to victims of the dread disease. It is a word I have had to hear concerning my own body, and a word I pray I will not soon hear again.

Metastasis. A word I never thought could carry any but the ugliest of connotations has recently taken on for me one clear facet of hope.

It happened as I was scanning my Greek New Testament one day (anyone impressed?) in search of sermon material. The passage was Colossians 1:13,14, which reads in the Revised Standard Version: “He has delivered us from the dominion of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”

The emphasis on transferred is mine. The Greek verb took me by surprise – delightful, pleasingly ironic surprise! It comes from the same root as that ugly word, metastasis. Ultimately, God has in mind to work a total metastasis in our bodies, changing the status of our mortal bodies to something full of life and totally beyond our understanding! But even now, the transfer already complete in the spiritual sense for God’s children. We have redemption, we have forgiveness, we have been “metastasized” into the kingdom of God’s beloved Son.

Cancer has the power to take us captive on a metastatic journey from life to death. Only God can reverse the process. All of us are on that journey to death, some farther along the way than others. The unspiritual person draws comfort from the illusion that death is only “natural,” even asserting (despite the logical contradiction) that death is just a stage of life. The spiritual person labors under no such illusion. We know that death is the intruder, the last enemy, the usurper, the product of sin and not of God’s good plan.

Edith Schaeffer, in her book, Forever Music (Thomas Nelson, 1986), makes the point well. “How can anyone say that death is natural? The natural thing is to have a person be a whole person. The silent body, the unmoving body, the unbreathing lungs are unnatural to family members who have just felt the pressure of a hand (pressure commanded by a brain), who have just heard a communication verbalized (also by a living brain) so short a time before. Death is a part of death. Death is abnormal to a living person; it is not a part of life.”

The point of Shaeffer’s book is that there is a “forever music” to be enjoyed by God’s people in a “forever life,” a life death cannot cancel out!

So let us praise God for our great inheritance, our redemption, our forgiveness, our “ultimate metastasis” from darkness to the light of God’s kingdom!

After the Last Tear Falls

I have been thinking a lot about the events of 9/11 over the past few days. My husband will be preaching a sermon this Sunday (the 10th anniversary of 9/11) about how Jesus commands us to love our enemies just as God loved us when we were his enemies. And so this week we have been watching a lot of the documentaries on TV related to 9/11. It is so amazing and sad to realize just how many people have been effected by just one event on one day. Once again I have been reminded just how much suffering there is in this world! 

In comparison to a big event like 9/11, I feel like my health issues are so small. Of course, everyone has their struggles - and no matter the size or intensity of the struggles, they are equally real for those who are experiencing them. It all makes me long for the day when pain and death will be no more and every tear will be wiped away. I was reminded of that promise by a friend this past week: "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away (Revelation 21:4)."

The song, "After the Last Tear Falls," by Andrew Peterson really captures the truth of that promise, and our longing for it, so clearly. I encourage you to listen to it and read the lyrics (below). 

"After the Last Tear Falls" by Andrew Peterson

After the last tear fall, after the last secret's told, 

After the last bullet tears through flesh and bone,

After the last child starve, and the last girl walks the boulevard, 

After the last year that's just too hard.

There is love; love, love, love.

There is love; love, love, love. 

There is love.

After the last disgrace, after the last lie to save some face, 

After the last brutal jab from a poison tongue,

After the last dirty politician, after the last meal down at the mission, 

After the last lonely night in prison. 

And in the end, the end is oceans and oceans of love and love again.

We'll see how the tears that have fallen, were caught in the palms,

Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all.

And we'll look back on these tears as old tales.

'Cause after the last plan fails, after the last siren wails,

After the last young husband sails off to join the war,

After the last "this marriage is over,"

After the last young girl's innocence is stolen,

After the last years of silence that won't let a heart open. 

Finally, thank you for all of the prayers for Hudson's surgery. It went very well and he is making a smooth recovery!

I've Already Started to Forget...

This past Sunday our pastor, John Fender, preached a very eye-opening and convicting sermon called, "God and Our Forgetfulness." The sermon was on Deuteronomy 8 where Moses repeatedly tells the people of Israel to remember what God has done (delivering them from Egypt) and said (the Ten Commandments) as they prepared to enter the Promised Land. Moses knew it was easy to be aware of those things during the difficult times in Egypt and the wilderness, but it would be harder to remember those things when they began enjoying the rest and comfort of the Promised Land. In other words, we need to fight against our natural tendency to become complacent in our faith when life gets comfortable. If we don't "feel" our need for Christ it is easy to forget about him and become lazy about depending on him completely.

The sermon helped me realize that I so easily fall into complacency. In many ways, I have already started to forget what God has taught me in the past year. I need to remember that God's word is true all the time and I should be trusting in it all the time. In going through cancer, I have been forced to look to God and I have been trying hard to see how he is using this for my good and his glory. More than anything else, I have seen God's faithfulness to me through people's prayers, encouraging words, and acts of help and support. I have seen God's faithfulness through wise doctors and good medical reports. But I have already started to forget these things! I have found myself once again trying to control my life and my circumstances and not looking to God and his truth on a daily basis.

Of course, God knows my heart and is always working to build my faith whenever it is weakening. Since this sermon was preached on Sunday I have found out about two new things I will need to depend on God for. On Monday, I found out that Hudson will have a surgery next Thursday (9/8) to remove his tonsils and adenoids. It is one thing for me to have surgery and be the one experiencing the pain, discomfort and uncertainty, but when it is my child that is something completely different. I have not experienced one of my children having surgery before, so I will certainly have to depend on God to take care of Hudson and to give me peace. Also, I found out today that I will have my reconstructive surgery six weeks from today on Samuel's first birthday (10/12). I am a bit nervous about having surgery again, both for what it will mean for me and for what it will mean for my family. But God has proved his faithfulness to care for every detail before, and he will do it again.

Please pray me in all this. And pray for my dear, sweet Hudson. Pray that he will have peace that passes all understanding and that this experience, in some way, will bring his heart (and mine) closer to Christ.

God and our Forgetfulness from John Fender on Vimeo.

Medical Update

I am very thankful to be done with my cancer treatments, but in terms of my overall health things have not been going too smoothly since I finished radiation last month. In some ways, I have had to resign myself to the fact that my burden in life, at least for now, is my physical body and its sickness. This is the second time that the “end” of my health problems seemed to be in sight, but in the blink of an eye the road continued. The first time was my surgery in February. When I went in for surgery I was supposed to wake up and be done with everything, but when I woke up I found out they found more cancer and I would need to have more treatments and surgery. Now, within a few weeks of finishing my treatments, I have developed a very large cyst, a tear in my hip, and some other health problems that are causing me to be very weak and fatigued.

While my burden right now is with my body, some people are dealing with just as much if not more in other areas: emotions, finances, relationships, or spiritual life. So I have been thinking a lot about the comfort and hope that God gives us when our road seems lonely and never ending. At our wedding, Matt and I recited the first question and answer from the Heidelberg Catechism as a reminder that our ultimate comfort is not in each other, but in Jesus Christ. The catechism question asks, “What is your only comfort in life and in death?” And the answer says, 

That I am not my own, but belong—body and soul, in life and in death—to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ. He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood, and has set me free from the tyranny of the devil. He also watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in heaven: in fact, all things must work together for my salvation. Because I belong to him, Christ, by His Holy Spirit, assures me of eternal life and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for him.

 

What an incredible reminder this is for me! These words help to bring me back to the simple truth that Christ is my faithful Savior and that I can live for him wholeheartedly. If God watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without it being a part of his will, then he definitely is also watching over every pain and weakness in my body. And somehow, though it is hard for me to endure right now, he is using it all for HIS good and HIS glory. Not only is God in control of all things, but he is faithful – he is, “my faithful savior Jesus Christ.” He does not need to prove his faithfulness over and over again (though he does) because he gave us the ultimate proof of his faithfulness in fulfilling his promise to save us even when we did not deserve it, and even when it meant the death of his own son. I pray that God will continually use those truths to make me wholeheartedly willing and ready to live for him!

I met with my surgeon today to plan for the reconstructive surgery that I will have in October. Since I have healed well from radiation (that’s at least one health issue to be thankful for), he gave me the “go ahead” to schedule the surgery for early October (provided my other health issues do not interfere between now and then). Since my surgeon is in Charleston, South Carolina (a two-hour drive from Pooler) we decided to spend the day there as a family. We spent the morning at the children’s museum and the afternoon in the doctor’s office. The kids had just about as much fun at both places! They enjoyed looking out over the city from the doctor’s seventh-floor office. Apparently there was an earthquake while we were up there too. We did not notice it, but the doctor and several other people said they noticed the building moving a bit.

 

I would greatly appreciate continued prayers for my health as I battle these remaining health issues. Please pray that the doctors would have wisdom in treating me and that I would patiently wait for God to heal me in his perfect timing.

All Things for Good

Post by Matt Fray

For the past several days I have been reading over Jonathan Edwards’ “Resolutions.” I will be teaching a short series on making God-centered goals in the Jr. High and Sr. High class at our church, and we will be using Edward’s seventy resolutions as a model for making God-centered goals for our own lives.

While many of Edwards’ resolutions are incredibly convicting, one in particular stood out to me because it applies so directly to my life right now. Edwards’ sixty-seventh resolution states, “Resolved, after afflictions, to inquire what I am the better for them, what good I have got by them, and what I might have got by them.” Edwards’ language is a bit awkward compared to how we speak today, but his point is simply this: you should think about how your affliction has made you a better person and worked for your good. While most people would rather forget about their affliction once they are past, Edwards suggests it is important to reflect on how your affliction influenced you. More than that, he suggests that afflictions influence us for good. That something good can come from something bad isn’t just a nice poetic idea, but an incredible biblical truth. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” According to the Bible, the God rules over our lives with such wisdom, power, and love that he designs even our afflictions for our good.

It may take some people days, months, or even years to discern how a particular affliction made them a better person or worked for their good. In most cases, the affliction needs to be resolved and life needs to be “back to normal” for a season before you can look back and see the good the affliction brought you. Of course, sometimes a person’s affliction may be so painful or confusing that they are never able to see any way their affliction was good for them. But just because we sometimes have a hard time seeing the good in our afflictions doesn’t mean the good isn’t there. We need God to give us the wisdom to see how it is He has designed all things – even the hard things – for our good.

By God’s grace, Erin and I have been able to see a lot of good things come from her cancer. This is not to say there haven’t been hard things that have happened or that will happen in the future. It is simply to say that despite everything difficult, we have seen God use her cancer for our good in several ways.

1. The affliction of Erin’s cancer has worked for our good by increasing our dependence on God, especially in realizing the privilege of prayer and the power of God’s Word.
2. The affliction of Erin’s cancer has worked for our good by deepening our understanding of God’s design for suffering and how He calls His people to respond when they suffer.
3. The affliction of Erin’s cancer has worked for our good by giving us a profound appreciation for each day of life, for our children, and for each other.
4. The affliction of Erin’s cancer has worked for our good by reassuring us that God will provide all that we need.
5. The affliction of Erin’s cancer has worked for our good by teaching us to be thankful for the friends and family who have loved us and supported us during this process.
6. The affliction of Erin’s cancer has worked for our good by helping us identify with and minister to others who are dealing with various afflictions.
7. The affliction of Erin’s cancer has worked for our good by giving us a better perspective on how minor our afflictions are compared to the more serious and lasting afflictions many others experience.
8. The affliction of Erin’s cancer has worked for our good by giving us a renewed appreciation for Erin’s dad and the way he used his cancer for the good of so many.
9. The affliction of Erin’s cancer has worked for our good by loosening our affections on the things of this world.
10. The affliction of Erin’s cancer has worked for our good by increasing our hope for Heaven.

I’m sure we will add to this list in the days, months, and years to come. And Lord willing, when we face other afflictions in our lives, we will always walk through those difficult times with an eye for how God is working for our good.

Vacation in Florida

What a blessing it was to be able to have a time away with my family for the past week! We were in Florida with my mom, her husband Ned, my grandparents, my sister Katie, her husband Chris, and her kids Ella, J-Rod, and Lily.

The Cousins: Lily, J-Rod, Hudson, Lydia, Samuel, and Ella

If you know me at all you know I love the beach. As a matter of fact, my whole family loves the beach. So when we go to Florida each August for vacation we spend all day every day at the beach. The kids loved playing in the sand and in the pool! And of course we all enjoyed spending time together with family. We played games (my mom even learned how to play a game on the iPad), read, ran, ate, slept, golfed, swam, and enjoyed lots of great conversation. And Florida is absolutely beautiful, so I also enjoyed the beauty of God's creation: the green-blue water, hundreds of unique seashells, and watching sunsets and thunderstorms.

One of the most memorable times this week was one night that Matt and I went on a "date" out to the beach to take a walk. It was completely dark. The beach was lit by a sky full of stars. It was amazing and beautiful. Matt and I had a chance to talk about our year together and the year ahead. We prayed together while sitting under the stars. It was amazing to me to think about the fact that we were able to talk to the same God that created every one of those stars and who knew the number of sands that were under our feet! Having that realization helped me to remember that He is and will continue to take care of His children and provide all we need!

"When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him,
and the son of man that you care for him?"

Psalm 8:3-4

I am so thankful that I have felt well this week. I was very tired the first few days and my skin was painful.  But it has healed very well! I was not able to stay completely out of the sun, but I think that helped the healing process. :) Please continue to pray for me as I will be starting my Tamoxifen medication tomorrow. Also, I will have various doctors appointments for the next few weeks to follow-up from my radiation and to prepare for my surgery in October.

I am glad to be home now and look forward to continuing with the things that God has for me here...including jury duty starting Monday! :)

My mom, me, and my older sister Katie

 

My grandparents, John and Lavon Buswell



Let the Countdown Begin!

The past several months have been very hard in many ways, but I am so happy to see a light at the end of the tunnel - I only have three more radiation treatments to go! I will officially be done with all of my treatments (chemotherapy and radiation) at 9:30am on Wednesday, July 27th! Let the countdown begin! For the first time in nine months, I will not be making weekly (or daily) trips to the Lewis Cancer Center! I am still feeling pretty fatigued and my skin will continue to be sore for some time, but it should begin healing itself over the next several days.

Here is my radiation machine. The giant microscope-looking thing
is what is used to send the "radioactive energy" through my body. 

This is my "graduation certificate" from radiation...(it's my appointment card for my follow-up appointment,
but another cancer survivor told me she felt like it was more of a graduation certificate).

Another exciting part of finishing my treatment is that we are going to our annual family vacation in Florida the day after I finish radiation. When I mentioned that to my doctors they were not very pleased...I guess they frown upon beach vacations when you are not even allowed to be in the sun! I’m excited, though. I will have to use some special sunscreen and keep my upper body covered, but I am excited to play in the pool and at the beach with my precious children, my sister and brother-in-law, my nieces and nephew, my mother and her husband, and my grandparents! It will be a special time!

As excited as I am for radiation to be over, it does mean that we will be saying goodbye to our wonderful friend Bethany. She has been such a blessing to our family over the past few months. We will miss her dearly!

Bethany and Hudson at the "Savanah Zoo" (also known as Bass Pro Shop).

Peace Like a River

It has been a long nine months and I am very tired in every way these days. Over the last week the radiation has really started to take its toll on my body, making my skin very painful and making me very exhausted. As much as I rest, I just can’t seem to gain more strength, which is very frustrating. I am trying to focus on the fact that I only have seven more treatments, but then I remember that the day after radiation finishes I will begin a five-year dose of Tamoxifen (which can have its own unique side-effects). And I have several other health issues that I am struggling with right now (probably in some way related to my cancer), including a persistent cough and sinus problems. I desperately want my body to be healthy and strong again!

I am praying that my husband and children do not have to take the brunt of these issues. For their sake and for mine, I am praying that I can keep having joy and peace in the midst of this long road. Ultimately, no matter what the trials are in this life right now I can have joy and peace because of what Christ has done for me (dying for me on the cross), what he is doing for me now (sustaining me), and what he will do for me (return to rule forever and renew my broken body). While those truths cannot change the circumstances of my life today, they certainly change my perspective on my circumstances as they help me remember the “big picture” of God’s love and care for me as his child. The hymn “It Is Well with My Soul” is one of my favorites because it does just this: it reminds us of the joy and peace we can have because of the “big picture” of Jesus’ care, cross, and return.

Here is a beautiful version of “It is Well with My Soul” sung by Chris Rice.

Being Reminded of God's Word // July Update

I have not felt very “inspired” to write any entries for my blog lately. I have been very busy and have been feeling somewhat discouraged with my body. I know that is no excuse. It is good to make myself sit down and just listen to what God has to say to me through His word and take time to reflect on what he is teaching me through these trials, and I have not done that lately. 

I have been receiving encouraging letters from a dear friend over the past 5 months. She has been so dedicated to writing me every week and giving me encouraging thoughts and words from God’s word. When I opened my friend’s letter this week I was reminded of the importance of listening to what God is teaching me through these trials. She enclosed the words from 2 Corinthians 4:7-14. 

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you. Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak, knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence.”

Whatever I am going through here on earth, I am not alone. God’s grace is holding me and renewing me day by day. I am praying that I would “not lose heart” because the life of Christ is being revealed. 

I am finishing up my final 10 treatments of radiation. Radiation itself has gone smoothly so far. The only side effects I have experienced have been fatigue and burned/irritated skin. Other than that I have been dealing with multiple sinus infections and a chronic cough that has yet to be diagnosed. I will be starting a new medication in two weeks that is kind of like an oral chemo (Tamoxifen). I will take it for 3-5 years in order to prevent my cancer from coming back. I am a little worried about this medicine because the two main side effects are blood clots/stroke, and uterine cancer. It is hard for me to justify doing these various cancer treatments when I don’t know if they will do more harm than good. But I just need to trust the fact that God has put my doctors over me and is using their knowledge and wisdom about these illnesses in order to help me.

I would appreciate prayers as I enter into this new phase of treatment. Pray that my body will stay strong and energized as I take care of my three precious children. Pray that my mind will stay positive, joyful, and focused on Christ as I move ahead. Also, please pray for an interesting opportunity I have to share my story this weekend. I have been selected to participate with several other breast cancer survivors in the American Cancer Society’s “Voices and Faces” campaign which will highlight breast cancer during the month of October. I have a photo shoot and interview at WSAV on Saturday, July 23rd. This is an exciting opportunity for me to share my story and what God has been teaching me during this journey. Please pray that God use me to glorify him through that interview.

Erin and Samuel.



We are missing out on U2's tour of the United States this Summer, so
Lydia decided to dress up as Bono and give us a performance instead!



Samuel's first haircut.



Samuel has learned to crawl, pull-up, cruise, and walk a little in the past few weeks.
He seems to get himself into all kinds of interesting situations with his new skills!



Lydia and Bethany on July Fourth.



Matt, Lydia, and Hudson waiting for the July Fourth fireworks to begin.

The Past Couple Weeks

It has been a while since I have posted any updates on the blog, so here are a few highlights of the past couple weeks: 

• On Sunday, June 19^th, I went into the ER because of a severe allergic reaction I was having to a medication I had just started. Apparently, I can now add a penicillin allergy to my list of weird allergies I have gotten since my being diagnosed with cancer last October.
• On Monday, June 20^th, I began a week-long adventure of teaching a class of fifteen 4 year-olds at our church’s VBS program.

• I have been having radiation treatments every weekday for the past three weeks and have been very thankful for how well it has been going. I have not had any side effects to the treatments other than a little fatigue. Praise the Lord! Fourteen treatments down and another twenty-one to go!
• On Sunday, June 26^th, I played the piano for the worship services at our church. It was a great joy to be able to help out and it went well - apart from messing up on my introduction to the Doxology!
• On Monday, June 27^th, Bethany, the kids, and I drove up to North Carolina with the Jr. and Sr. High students from our church. The students are attending a camp at Ridge Haven, a camp and conference center owned by the PCA. I was not originally planning on going to Ridge Haven, but a few days before my doctor agreed to let me skip a day or two of treatments so that I could go.  
• We a great time at Ridge Haven – we went hiking and swimming, enjoyed games and worship times with the students, and got to try out an amazing 100-foot long waterslide! We did get some bumps and bruises, though – I sprained my left ring finger while playing basketball (the doctor said if it swells up any more they are going to have to cut my wedding ring off) and Lydia took a tumble down some concrete stairs. I guess those things are always part of the true camp experience!

• Bethany, the kids, and I had to return home yesterday (Wednesday, June 29^th) so that I could resume my radiation treatments. Matt will return with the students on Friday.

In many ways my life is currently dominated by my cancer. My treatment effects my overall health (managing medications, side effects, allergies) and my daily life (going to appointments, avoiding too much exposure to the sun, returning early from trips). But while my cancer does dominate my life these days, it certainly does not define my life. I am so thankful that I have still be able to do so many things I enjoy (caring for my kids, playing piano in church, helping with church activities, going on trips). There are so many people who are incredibly limited by various health issues, and so I do not for granted the gift it is to be able to remain active in the things I love. God is good!

Medical Update: Doctors, Doctors, Doctors

When a mom of three young kids is going through cancer treatments, there is just no way to go more than a couple days without a doctor’s appointment. And sometimes, like yesterday, you can have multiple appointments – even five – in a single day. In the past week, I have found this out in a very real way. 

Last Friday, my surgeon recommended that I have a full body bone-scan done as well as Vitamin D testing. I had been having some severe pain in my left hip, and she wanted to rule out the very real possibility that the cancer had spread into my bones. She explained that estrogen-positive breast cancer (like I have) tends to like “weak” bones. This possibility made Matt and I very nervous, but praise the Lord, the test came back normal (though my Vitamin D levels were a bit low). She put me on Vitamin D and Calcium supplements to help strengthen my bones and possibly relieve some of my pain. 

On Monday, I had an appointment with a pulmonologist to investigate a persistent cough I have been battling for the past three months. After an x-ray and brief exam, he discovered the culprit: my SINUSES! If you know me well, then you know that I have suffered with sinus problems my whole life. I have what is called “non-allergic rhinitis” and “chronic sinusitis.” I have had four sinus surgeries since high school, including one that kind of messed my sinuses up even worse. Anyway, the pulmonologist said it looks like surgery might be the only thing to help me, but obviously now is not the best time to be having sinus surgery!  It was wonderful to have an objective diagnosis of what is going on, but it was also wonderful to connect with this particular doctor. When he walked into the waiting room he asked me if my husband was a pastor in Pooler. I responded, “Yes,” and he said, “I think you are the one we have been praying for lately.” He said that he attends a local PCA church and that they have been praying for me and my family for the past several months. WOW! I am continually amazed at the faithful prayers that are continually offered up on my behalf! What a blessing!

On Tuesday, I made a total of five visits to various doctors, but the one that stands out is taking Hudson to the pediatrician for a severe allergic reaction. You see, in the midst of our unusually busy family life, we decided we needed to take on a new challenge: we decided to adopt a sweet, one year-old cat that has been hanging out outside our house for the past two weeks. We took “Louie” (named in honor of his presence in our driveway when we returned from our trip to St. Louis) to the vet on Saturday to see if he was healthy and to get him the various vaccinations he needed if he was going to be around the kids. Of course, just three days after paying for the vaccinations and all the “cat stuff” we needed (litter box, food, collar, kennel, etc.) we discovered that Hudson was allergic to Louie. While I was at a physical therapy appointment for Samuel (for his head – he ended up being able to do PT instead of getting a helmet!), Bethany called me and said that Hudson was a little out of sorts. I came home to find Hudson’s eyes red, watery, and nearly swollen shut. He was also coughing, sneezing and whining a lot. I called the pediatric nurse and she said to bring him in. They gave him a little Benadryl and he was fine. But needless to say, we need to find a new home for Louie.

After I brought Hudson and Samuel home I went back into town for my radiation and for a physical therapy appointment for myself. Radiation is continuing to go well. Since My first radiation I have had arm pain that could be the start of lymphedema. My PT appointment was scheduled to get that issue checked out. I guess I have to keep a close eye on that as radiation can tend to make lymphedema worse. 

Thanks to Bethany I have been able to get all these appointments done. Matt and I are so thankful that she is here! Thanks to her, it has been a lot easier to use my non-medical time to have some summer fun with the kids. We have gone bowling, to library story time, to the pool, and to the mall. 

I came home from my PT appointment just in time to spend the evening with the youth group from our church. God has blessed us with sweet group of kids, and it’s always a blessing to hang out with them! As a pastor’s kid (and pastor’s wife), I just love finding ways to use my gifts to serve the Lord by serving others in ministry. Next week I will be teaching fifteen 4 year-olds at our church’s Vacation Bible School program, so I have been preparing for that as well (reviewing curriculum, making decorations, etc.). Of course, every time I talk to my sisters about teaching VBS in the mornings and doing radiation in the afternoons, they think I'm crazy. Well, I like to have a little crazy in me. And even though doing these ministry things while dealing with my treatments can be especially exhausting, I have found it to be such a blessing to get to know the children of our church and to be able to have fun with them while teaching them God’s Word.

I apologize if this blog post seems a bit “whiny,” but I really want my blog to be an accurate representation of what my life is like these days. I want to balance stories of personal encouragement and truth from God’s Word with an honest account of some of the hard and tedious aspects of this journey. In my own experience, I know I always benefit when I am able to read others’ honest reflections on their difficulties and take a certain comfort in identifying with their struggles. But of course it is equally beneficial to read more positive, hopeful reflections on persevering through life’s trials, and especially wonderful to see how the truths of God’s Word relate to those trials. I would appreciate your continued prayers.

  

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." 

Philippians 1:3-6