It has been a long nine months and I am very tired in every way these days. Over the last week the radiation has really started to take its toll on my body, making my skin very painful and making me very exhausted. As much as I rest, I just can’t seem to gain more strength, which is very frustrating. I am trying to focus on the fact that I only have seven more treatments, but then I remember that the day after radiation finishes I will begin a five-year dose of Tamoxifen (which can have its own unique side-effects). And I have several other health issues that I am struggling with right now (probably in some way related to my cancer), including a persistent cough and sinus problems. I desperately want my body to be healthy and strong again!
I am praying that my husband and children do not have to take the brunt of these issues. For their sake and for mine, I am praying that I can keep having joy and peace in the midst of this long road. Ultimately, no matter what the trials are in this life right now I can have joy and peace because of what Christ has done for me (dying for me on the cross), what he is doing for me now (sustaining me), and what he will do for me (return to rule forever and renew my broken body). While those truths cannot change the circumstances of my life today, they certainly change my perspective on my circumstances as they help me remember the “big picture” of God’s love and care for me as his child. The hymn “It Is Well with My Soul” is one of my favorites because it does just this: it reminds us of the joy and peace we can have because of the “big picture” of Jesus’ care, cross, and return.
Here is a beautiful version of “It is Well with My Soul” sung by Chris Rice.