Many times in the past month I have questioned why God has allowed such physical and emotional trials. When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer in October of 2010, I felt as if God had put this cancer in my life in order draw me closer to Him. He did that as He repeatedly opened my eyes to see and confess my sin, trust in His goodness, and be strengthened by His grace. Every time I “learned my lesson,” I thought the road would end there. But then another physical trial would come and the “trial-confession-trust-strength” cycle would repeat itself in a new set of circumstances.
But after this last surgery my faith was weak. The “trial” phase was painfully long and I was just plain tired of being "strengthened" by God in this way. At times, I was angry and stubbornly resisted any thought that God could strengthen me after such a physically exhausting and emotionally discouraging process.
But sure enough, though it took a little longer, God still pulled me back to him. I was once again reminded that He will not let me go, even when I am pushing Him away. My stubbornness is no match for His steadfast love.